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spacer The following are a few of the words that I've found, been given via e-mail over the years, or heard. Some are quite funny, others are only minorly offensive.


404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message. "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located."
 
Abdicate
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 
adminisphere
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
 
assmosis
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
 
Balderdash
A rapidly receding hairline.
 
blamestorming
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
 
Bustard
A very rude Metrobus driver.
 
Carcinoma
A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
 
Circumvent
The opening in the front of boxer shorts.
 
Coffee
A person who is coughed upon.
 
creaping featurism
A mallady of poorly managed software projects that allows the goals to never quite equal the product.
 
cube farm
An office filled with cubicles.
 
Dopeler effect
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
 
Esplanade
To attempt an explanation while drunk.
 
Flabbergasted
Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 
Flatulence
The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
 
Foreploy
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
 
Frisbatarianism
The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
 
Gargoyle
An olive-flavored mouthwash.
 
generica
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
 
Giraffiti
Vandalism spray-painted very high.
 
Glibido
All talk and no action.
 
good health
The slowest rate at which one can die.
 
Ignoranus
A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
 
Inoculatte
To take coffee intravenously.
 
Intaxication
Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. (people get refunds?)
 
irritainment
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's video Grand Jury testimony is another. And of course, there's always "Survivor".
 
Karmageddon
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
 
Lymph
To walk with a lisp.
 
Marionettes
Residents of Washington, DC who have been jerked around by the mayor.
 
mouse potato
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
 
Negligent
Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
 
ohnosecond
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
 
Osteopornosis
A degenerate disease.
 
Oyster
A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
 
percussive maintenance
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
 
prairie dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
 
Rectitude
The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
 
Reintarnation
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
 
salmon day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
 
Sarchasm
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
 
seagull manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
 
Semantics
Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
 
SITCOMs
(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
 
starter marriage
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
 
stress puppy
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
 
swiped out
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
 
Testicle
A humorous question on an exam.
 
vulcan nerve pinch
The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.
 
Willy-nilly
Impotent
 
WOOFYs
Well Off Older Folks
 
xerox subsidy
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
 
yuppie food stamps
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
 
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