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Home > Writings > Dating Again > Here
Update to the Update

As of Feburary 18, 2005, I am once again a married man. I am quite happy with my choice and wish all of you the ability to find someone well matched.


As of September 19, 2004, I am engaged to a wonderful woman, Ann. She so closely fits this bill that it still amazes me. In any case, I think my search is over. Sorry everybody...

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In recent months, I've been to several different "divorce" workshops, classes, and seminars. One assignment that several of them have in common is that you should know what you like in life, so that you can categorize this list of things and use it as a basis for selecting a new partner. The basic idea, as reflected in the PREPS Program , is that if you can find someone with whom you have a large number of things in common, the list of things that you will be likely to fight over becomes shorter. In short, know yourself, find someone similar and you'll be more likely to get along.

To each of these assignments, I've come up with a similar list of things, some colored by the workshop itself, some just plain researching various topics. Here then is my list. Sorry for the length, but the goal is honorable enough...

  • Catholic.
  • Eldest child (see the The New Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are book )
  • Computer professional (desktop publishing, programmer, et.al.).
  • Must be natural (no tattooed eye shadow, no fake boobs, etc.).
  • Must have a sex drive that would keep us both up late as often as not AFTER MARRIAGE. At very least, can look at me and say honestly that they are not repulsed by the idea of sex with me after a one or two meetings. Not looking for love at first sight.
  • According to Myers-Briggs, personality sorter, someone who could live with an ISTJ.
  • Born between 1964 and 1967.
  • Kids, either:
    • None (or unable to have kids), but good with them.
    • One girl, born between 1993-1995.
  • NO BIGOTS NEED APPLY, PERIOD. Get a clue, if you cannot judge people as individuals but insist on judging them by any characteristic, buzz off. I have no desire to have someone like that in my life.
  • Possibly an inverse to my situation (read my background, but basically someone who found herself married to someone who turned out to be gay/bisexual).
  • Preferably, no health conditions (no STD's, no exceptions).
  • Non-smoker (sorry folks, but I cannot bear the thought of kissing an ash tray).
  • Light drinker (it takes me better part of 3 months to work my way through a six-pack of beer).
  • Non drug user, no exceptions.
  • Cat liker (v.s. lover).
  • Dog disliker (v.s. hater).
  • Understanding of the "piles" methodology for organizing things (as opposed to the "archeological" method for instance).
  • Artsy craftsy. Likes to make gifts rather than buy them, and her friends are glad and look forward to her next gift.
  • Airplane pilot, or at least pilot-want-to-be.
  • Robotisist, or at least interested (would far and away rather watch Robotica rather than WWF).
  • Financially responsible saver (can squeeze a nickel until the buffalo farts).
  • Same love language, namely physical (as defined in The Five Love Languages ).
  • Sense of self worth for herself that matches my own sense of self worth (this is kinda hard to define).
  • Must have slightly overbearing, buttinsky parents (that way we can put mine and yours in a corner and let them duke it out while we enjoy life).
  • An interesting talker who will lay out their thoughts in a clear way that leads to mutual understanding, as opposed to:
    • Chatter box who goes on and on about crap.
    • A "doesn't speak until spoken to" person.
    • Someone who has whole conversations with herself and, when she comes to a difficult point, asks you about just that point, out of context.

As you can see from this very short list (I have journalled over this for several more pages), my chances are really slim on finding someone. You might notice, if you re-read that list, that nowhere do I mention things like:

  • Must be fashion model thin (too unhealthy and unnatural of a state for anyone to live in).
  • Must be insert your favorite hair color here.
  • Barely fits in a D-D cup bra.
  • Must slave at home to make the place "Good Housekeeping"-clean.
  • Must cook beautiful meals.
  • Must be insert your favorite racial group here.

Beauty comes from within and is expressed in the kinds of relationships you have/keep/make. It does not come from a store, from a personal trainer, nor from "cheating" (read plastic surgery and the like).

Only if you feel you really fit the bill, you are not currently married (duh) and are closeish by (OKC/Tulsa/Stillwater environs), feel free to email me

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