ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. That's where I work, is in a Cube farm.

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
6. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
7. Accept that somedays you're the pigeon, and somedays you're the statue.
8. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
9. My reality check bounced.
10. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
11. I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...
12. Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons, cuz, like, you're crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Dilbert’s Salary Theorem states that Engineers, scientists and analysts can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.